"Scamageddon"

11 August 2025

90s

You had one job, Craig.

Telstra's good run of form continues with a spot starring Steve Buscemi as you've never seen him before (unless you've had some seriously weird dreams about the American). He plays the emperor of the Zalunians, an alien race ready to make Australians' lives a living hell. Not with a laser beam or a deadly virus, but online scams ("Unleash the scamegeddooooooon!").

The creature responsible for the rollout is Craig, who's blessed with wonderful character design, but no brains. When the scams are blocked, the emperor descends from his platform to investigate (we like how Buscemi's character tells the extraterrestrial choir to cut it out—now is not the time for tongues). How did his lackeys screw up so bad? Because they targeted a "mighty network" like Telstra.

One half-expects that hefty cranium of his to explode out of sheer frustration, but the ad ends on a quiet, confident note instead: "Blocking millions of cyber threats every day, wherever we go". Poor Craig and his yellow-skinned colleague are left to wonder if a career change is in order.

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