"CouplaBeers"

6 March 2025

2 mins 29s

You say alcohol, we say ethyl hydroxyethane.

After fifty years of painstaking research, Saturday Night Live has come up with the answer to anxiety and depression: a revolutionary new medicine called 'CouplaBeers'. Thanks to the power of ethyl hydroxyethane (or alcohol, as some people like to call it), more and more Americans have the chance to live the loosey-goosey lives they deserve. So, how does it work?

Sam Gillis's character is more than happy to show us. Unable to make friends at work, be a good father, or listen to what his wife has to say, the man's at a low ebb. CouplaBeers, however, "quickly turns a cloudy, rainy day into a sunny one", with drowsiness the only side effect. No matter, says the brand with more than a passing resemblance to Centrum—all users need is aLilBump.

A sachet of white powder and a key to snort it off is a novel approach, but it works! Quite why his family deem it necessary to stage an intervention is unclear, as the CouplaBeers guy's clearly on top of things. Just listen to the way he says: "It's kinda the only thing you really remember after a while—just to take it." OK, maybe the Food and Drug Administration needs to take a closer look before its defunded.

USA

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