"Reputational Damage Specialists"

11 July 2025

60s

Better call Cole.

No one likes to be skinned, nutmegged, or played like a fiddle on the pitch. That's where Reputational Damage Specialists (call now on +44-800-SKINNED) comes in. As part of Nike's 'Scary Good' roll-out, RDS promises to help those humiliated by Chelsea and England midfielder Cole Palmer pick up the pieces. To say business is brisk would be an understatement.

In a similar vein to 'Kyller Instinct', many of the cast members are in a bad way, unable to move on with their lives or careers. They're in safe hands, the film says... after all, how can you not trust a bunch of lawyers who sport the same weird haircut as, er, Cole Palmer? Come to think of it, they seem to get a lot of pleasure from the pain of others.

It should come as no surprise, therefore, that Palmer himself is in charge. The more opponents he dupes, the more money his firm makes—now that is a scary good business plan. The Solicitors Regulation Authority may wish to pay them a visit.

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