"Made to Be Enjoyed, Not Endured"

18 August 2025

90s

Are you afraid of the dark?

Almost fifty years since Cadbury last advertised Bournville on the telly, the dark chocolate market's become a touch crowded to say the least. In a bid to take rivals Green & Black’s, Montezuma's, Lindt, and the like down a peg, the brand suggests others want us to suffer through dark chocolate, not savour it.

Take the two 'connoisseurs' who whip out the stuff after a conference. Sat between them is a bloke who likes Bournville—not much more to say, really. His fellow attendees, however, have a lot to say about their respective bars, with some of the best, most ridiculous tasting notes in recent memory courtesy of VCCP's Alice Goodrich and Lara Baxter.

Take "This one captures bitterness, astringency, and resentfulness" or "Mine tastes like the scolding from a disappointed mother". If you like dark chocolate that's "flammable" and—in the scientific community's opinion—tastes like dark matter, go with the bloke's; if you prefer the tang of relentless cocoa nibs and the hint of an unnamed phobia, ask the woman if she's happy to share.

The point is that neither fan of hoity-toity dark chocolate is happy—they eat for a warped take on prestige, not pleasure. Good luck to them, says Cadbury, but if the dark brown stuff's meant to be relished, it recommends Bournville.

UK

Chocolate