"Awaken Your Madness"

18 June 2024

2 mins 22s

The new crazy gang.

Erling Haaland, Vinicius Junior, and Kylian Mbappé each have a screw loose. They train hard, work hard, and play harder than anyone else—Mbappé even talks to the ball ("Top left") like King Charles talks to plants. If Wimbledon were the Crazy Gang, this is the Crazy Trio.

Nike, for one, welcome this sort of behaviour. They like that Haaland practises in the rain; they love that Vinicius wears an oxygen mask like Bane; and they dig how Mbappé is a kit man's worst nightmare. The look on his face when the France striker demands more footballs is superb.

The man in charge of this sleek descent into madness is director Sam Pilling, who soon whisks them away for an audience with Ronaldinho (last seen in a Pizza Hut commercial). He commands the trio to play with madness on the world stage, laughing like a man who went round the twist a long time ago.

Liam Gallagher once sang: "If I don't go crazy, I'll lose my mind." It's worked for Haaland, Vinicius, and Mbappé so far.

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